


stardust

by littlelamplight



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Daemons, F/F, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-13
Updated: 2017-04-18
Packaged: 2018-09-17 06:14:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9308867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlelamplight/pseuds/littlelamplight
Summary: 'And then my soul saw you, and it kind of went, 'oh, there you are. I've been looking for you'.When your daemon meets your soulmate's daemon, it knows. That doesn't always make it easy.Astra and Alex meet in a warehouse, on opposite sides of a war, and their souls know each other.





	1. catch a falling star

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Anonymississippi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anonymississippi/gifts).



> daemon  
> (n.) an external physical manifestation of a person's soul that takes the form of an animal. 
> 
> note: i've changed things up a bit so that Alura never betrayed Astra, or used Kara to do so. instead, Astra was captured independently, and Alura tried to represent her, defend her, and make sure she had a fair trial, but it didn't work. so, Astra is a bit different to how she was in canon.

 

Alex almost chokes on the dust that implodes from the hellgrammite’s daemon as she turns the alien’s weapon against him, twisting the spike up under his ribs and into his heart, and Lyra lands smoothly on her feet, golden sparks billowing up from under her as a last remembrance of the alien’s soul. 

 

She hates this part, this part of killing, the last lingering reminder of what’s been done flickering in the air, a fandom choking sensation clogging her lungs, like ash filling her mouth and nose. 

 

But she can’t think about that now, she’s alone in a dark warehouse and blood is leaking from the wound in her leg, and she has to move. She braces her hands against the alien’s shoulders and shoves his dead weight off her, reaching for her daemon as Lyra limps towards her, affected by the same pain in her leg. 

 

Not quite alone, she reminds herself, grasping at her daemon’s short golden fur, raking her nails against Lyra’s neck, never alone. Lyra nudges her nose against her shoulder, and Alex wraps an arm around her daemon’s neck, bracing herself against her strong form in an attempt to pull herself up, grateful for the tightly contained power in the lioness’ body. Her leg aches from the maneuver she used to get the helgramite close enough to kill, but there is no time to pause and lick her wounds. ‘Come on, Alex’, Lyra’s voice is a growl, low from tension, the adrenaline of an unknown, enemy territory, ‘we need to move’.

 

‘You’re braver than most of your race’, a low, rich voice rings out in the silence, laced with amusement and something like interest, ‘not many could think clearly enough to make that kill’. 

 

Alex looks up, half crouched on the ground with her leg injured splayed to the side, and Lyra moves in front of her, a low, rumbling growl vibrating in her throat. 

 

The woman drops to the ground in front of her, and Alex takes in the high cheekbones, the features carved from marble, the proud shape of her mouth, and she feels a sharp shock of disbelief and shock. ‘Alura?’ 

 

The woman jerks like Alex has slapped her, the cool, superior mask of composure cracking, her eyes widening, and Alex sees a woman broken by loss she’s never recovered from, loss the spills over in her eyes and bleeds into her voice, a waver that is so removed from the way she spoke seconds ago. ‘How do you know that name?’ 

 

Alex stares, almost fascinated by the change, a tug at her heart strings, and finally notices the white streak twisting in her mahogany hair, tinged silver with the light streaming through the broken roof, and she realises where she went wrong. ‘You’re Astra. Alura’s twin’. 

 

Astra, Kara’s aunt, Kara’s idol, the woman who taught her about the stars, who travelled to planets far, far from Earth, planets that she’d describe in intricate detail with Kara sitting on her lap, stories that Kara would repeat to her under the sheets when she couldn’t sleep, that would echo in Alex’s consciousness while she slept, Astra, who died long, long ago. 

 

Astra, who is alive. 

 

Astra stares at her, her composure returning, a mask slipping down to conceal that broken pain, the fractured shards in her eyes becoming pieces of steel, a fortified armour. ‘How do you know of me?

 

Lyra growls again, and Alex remembers that this woman is the enemy, remembers that she knew about the hellgrammite, and that in all likelihood, she ordered it. She knows the woman’s stance, she’s seen it before, the easy confidence and grace when she moves, the power in her body. This woman is a soldier, (a General, her memory whispers, the ghost of Kara’s childhood, the sadness in her eyes), and Alex won’t answer her questions. Instead, she grits her teeth, and fires back her own, ‘what do you want with me?’ 

 

Astra’s eyes track from her face to her leg, and she tilts her head. ‘He wasn’t supposed to harm you’. 

 

Alex scoffs. ‘You ordered my kidnapping, but I’m supposed to believe you care about my welfare?’ 

 

The woman’s mouth quirks, and she takes a step forward, the lines of her body moving in a predatory way that reminds Alex of a large cat, of Lyra, but something darker, and Lyra’s low growl rises to fill the empty warehouse. Astra’s slow smile only grows, and her gaze is like a heat burning against Alex’s face. ‘You’ve got fire, for a human. I like you’. 

 

‘I don’t care what you like,  _ General _ ’. 

 

Astra blinks, but that is the only sign that Alex’s knowledge of her title has thrown her. Alex wonders if the woman can hear how hard her heart is pounding, wonders if she can tell that its not from fear, but something else, the realisation that this woman, despite their current positions, is still Kara’s aunt, her flesh and blood, her  _ family _ , and Alex thinks of how the loss of Krypton weighs on Kara, of the broken loss she saw in this woman’s eyes, and she knows that this is far more complicated than she could’ve imagined. 

 

‘What is your name?’ 

 

Alex glances at Lyra, and her daemon’s ear twitches. A shrug. An understanding. This woman might be a General on the opposite side of what might become a war, but she’s Kara’s aunt. 

 

She’s family. 

 

Or at least, she would be, again, if she switched sides, and Alex thinks about how the woman didn’t intend for the hellgrammite to hurt her, and wonders if this just a way to meet her niece. 

 

She just has to prey that it’s not to hurt her. 

 

She takes a deep breath, and lets it out slowly. ‘Alex’.

 

Astra’s mouth quirks again, and this time, Alex thinks she sees a genuine flicker of amusement in the woman’s bright eyes. It does something peculiar to her heart, a flutter of heat against her neck. Maybe she’s lost more blood than she thought. ‘Short for Alexandra?’ 

 

Before she can answer, before she can decide if it’s a good idea, if she’s already said too much, a shadow passes over them, and Lyra tenses, crouching as she twists her head up to search for the source, a movement Alex echoes. Astra doesn’t move, and when the source of the shadow lands beside her, Alex understands why. 

 

It’s a huge black cat, a sinuous creature of muscle and sleek, gleaming fur that seems to shine in the dark, a colour that seems to catch and reflect the stars, rather than a dull void of nothingness, and even before Astra rests her hand lazily atop the jaguar’s head, Alex knows that it can only be the woman’s daemon. It’s larger than any jaguar she’s seen in captivity, it’s shoulder standing level with Astra’s hip, it’s eyes gleaming as green as the kryptonite designed to impair Astra’s kind. The daemon tilts it’s head up, and says, it’s voice feminine yet deep, rich and as sleek as the rippling movement of her body, ‘she’s on her way’. 

 

Lyra stops growling, and in the abrupt silence, Astra’s daemon turns her head to look at her, and Alex  _ feels  _ something, something hot, a click in her chest that echoes the heavy blink of the jaguar’s eyes, and the air suddenly feels charged, like heat crackling along her skin. 

 

Astra frowns slightly, glancing down at her daemon, her voice tense. ‘Selene?’ 

 

But Selene doesn’t look at Astra. Instead, she moves, padding across the warehouse, slow deliberate steps, and yet it’s not a predatory thing, somehow, and Alex doesn’t realise that Lyra is moving until she sees her daemon moving forward. 

 

She almost reaches for her, almost reaches out, but she feels frozen, locked in place, her chest tight, because she’s seen this before, this sudden movement of two daemons meeting for the first time, and she  _ knows  _ what’s happening, as impossible and as unexpected as it feels. 

 

It’s impossible to believe that this woman, this woman with loss in her eyes, hidden behind broken mirrors reflecting fire and ice, this woman with a curl of moon light in her hair, the General leading the opposition, Kara’s  _ aunt _ , is her soulmate, that reflection that she never believed she’d find, but then Selene, who seems as proud and unbending as Astra, bows her head, and nudges against Lyra’s chest, and the contact blooms in Alex’s chest like wild heat, sparks at the start of a forest fire, a curl of an embrace against her ribs that washes away the pain of her injury, and Alex can’t help the gasp that tears from her throat at the sensation. 

 

Lyra purs, a vibration that echoes through the ground, and nuzzles her nose against the jutting bones of Selene’s powerful shoulders, and Astra jerks like she’s been hit, staggers like her legs are unsteady, steps back like the sensation is too overwhelming for her, and when Alex meets her gaze, there is no mask, none of the powerful, commanding General, just a woman who looks as shocked as she does, like the world and everything she believed she knew has been pulled out from under her feet, a woman whose eyes are gleaming with what might be tears, a woman who looks lost, and suddenly, terribly afraid. 

 

In all her life, Alex has never understood something as well as she understands that look. 

 

Astra is her soulmate, and that in itself is terrifying. 

 

Astra is staring at her, her mouth open and her eyes glistening, and Alex stares up at her from the floor of the warehouse, and has no idea what to say. Their daemons are curled close, their souls have met, and Alex doesn’t know how to close the physical space between them, or how to break the fear clogging her throat. 

 

Astra steps forward slowly, steps that seem to take an eternity, and extends a hand. Her hand is shaking. 

 

Alex’s heart is pounding, and now, now its from fear. 

 

_ You are braver than most of your race _ . 

 

Alex reaches up, and grasps Astra’s forearm. Astra’s fingers curl tight around her arm, shifting against the material of her uniform, and their skin does not touch. Their skin doesn’t touch, and as Astra lifts her easily to her feet, a hand on her shoulder to steady her, she feels her chest tighten, an ache, a longing, to touch Astra as their daemons are touching. 

 

She sees the same look reflected in Astra’s eyes as she steps back, unsteady on her feet, looking unsure and lost and lonely in the dark of the warehouse, lonely, lonely, that is what Astra feels, Alex thinks, an understanding that comes from nowhere, Astra, behind that mask that Alex can see through, now, is lonely, and afraid, and lost, and Alex wants to know how she came to be this, leading a war, commanding an army, how she came to be  _ alive _ , and how Alex can make her switch sides. 

 

She’s never wanted anything as much as she wants Astra, this sudden, all intense desire, a desire of the body and the heart and the mind, echoing the meeting and moulding of their souls, and she’d never understood it, before, how it worked, she’d never believed it would happen for her, and she resigned herself to that fate, thrown herself into helping and protecting Kara, at being perfect at every other aspect of her life, and she thought she was content, she thought she was happy. 

 

And yet Alex looks at Astra, at the bright, beautiful gleam of her eyes, and for the first time in a long time, she wants something for herself. 

 

There is a deafening sound, a roaring screech, the heavy beat of wings, and Astra steps back, her body tensing, her stance widening to something defensive, and Selene leaps away from Lyra as if she’s been burned, crouching with a snarl twisting her lips, and Seraphine crashes through the roof with her wings thrown wide, her claws tearing at the concrete, tail lashing like a whip through the air. 

 

Alex has known Seraphine for almost a decade, and yet she’s not sure if she’ll ever get used to this, to the snarling twist of her golden beak, the soft white of her feathers and fur becoming sharp and threatening, a creature of legend, the  power and ferocity of a hurricane, a griffin that towers over them, glowing in the dark. Astra’s mask cracks again, something like pride and awe sweeping over her expression as she stares up at her niece’s daemon, and Alex remembers that Seraphine only settled after the destruction of Krypton, and even if Astra knew what Seraphine had become, seeing her like this, up close and terrible, is something entirely different. 

 

And then Seraphine stops snarling, the sound catching in her throat, and Alex hears the astonishment in her voice when she gasps, ‘Selene?’ 

 

Selene rises from her crouch, and Astra’s daemon smiles, a flash of sharp teeth in the dark, and says, ‘you’re not so little anymore, are you, little one?’ 

 

Kara lands with a deafening crack of concrete beside Alex, her hands immediately moving to her shoulders, apparently oblivious to the way her daemon has frozen, her eyes searching Alex’s face intently. ‘Are you okay, Alex?’ 

 

‘Yeah’, Alex hears herself say, even though its not true, even though she’s still reeling at the identity of her soulmate, and nods at Astra over Kara’s shoulder. ‘Kara, we have company’. 

 

Kara turns, her shoulders hunched, ready for a fight, but she sees Astra standing there, her eyes glowing with pride and awe, a weak point in an otherwise impassive mask, and her voice cracks, ‘Aunt Astra?’ 

 

Astra blinks, and Alex wonders what Astra was planning, whether she’d be able to keep her composure if not for this bizarre twist of fate. Lyra bumps against Alex’s legs, her shoulder leaning into her hip, and Alex reaches down to grasp at her, to steady herself, and out of the corner of her eye, she can see that Seraphine has bowed her head low, bending her front leg, and that Selene has wrapped a paw over her neck, her nose turned down and hidden in her feathers. Astra takes a deep breath, and lets it out slowly. ‘It’s been a long time, little one’. 

 

A tremor runs through Kara’s body, tension snapping and crackling in the air, and she sways for a moment, like she can’t decide whether to move forward, or move back, and then it snaps, and Kara rushes at Astra. Astra steps back, and she lifts her hands slightly, like she wants to defend herself, but then Kara’s arms loop around her tightly, a vice around her back, around her shoulders, her face pressing against Astra’s hair, against her neck, and Astra’s eyes widen, stiff and frozen in Kara’s arms. 

 

Astra stares at Alex, and Alex stares back, and she sees the last threads of Astra’s restraint break, crack, loss and love overflowing in her eyes before she closes them tightly, and bows her head against Kara’s shoulder. Her hands come down to grasp at Kara’s cape, at her back, her knuckles whitening in the dark, and Selene purs. 

 

Alex doesn’t know how Astra is alive, she doesn’t know what she’s doing commanding an army, what she’s doing on the other side of a war, she doesn’t know what she was planning or why she had her kidnapped, she doesn’t know what’s going to happen next, but in this moment, Astra is not the General, she’s not a woman with armour behind her eyes. 

 

She’s a woman reuniting with her long lost niece, and Alex feels the echo of how that makes Astra feel at the very edges of her soul. 

 

Kara pulls back, her hands resting on Astra’s shoulders, and Astra sweeps her hands through Kara’s hair, grasping at the edges of her cape. ‘Astra, what… what happened? I don’t understand, how are you… how are you here?’ 

 

Alex shifts, and winces, a sharp hiss through her teeth as she puts her weight on her injured leg. She’d forgotten about her wound, but Kara turns sharply, releasing Astra to speed over, looping Alex’s arm around her shoulders to support her. Kara frowns, a severe thing, her gaze flickering between Astra and Alex, and Alex watches Astra’s jaw tighten, her fingers still curled, like she wants to reach for Kara. ‘Alex, what…’ her eyes drop to the hellgramite’s body, and her voice sharpens, ‘what’s going on?’ 

 

Selene turns her head quickly, and says, a gentle thing that sounds like a warning, ‘Astra’. 

 

Astra looks trapped. She looks overwhelmed and panicked and trapped and so far from the woman who dropped through the roof with a predatory look gleaming in her eyes, and when Astra steps back, Alex realises what’s about to happen. 

 

Astra steps back, shoots into the air, and is gone before anyone can say a word. 

 

Fleeing. 

 

Kara looks lost and confused and young, and she swallows tightly. ‘What’s going on, Selene?’ 

 

Selene moves, padding across the floor, bumping her shoulder against Lyra’s, turning her head to rest it over the back of her neck, and says, ‘it’s a long story, little one. Give me some time to talk to her, and then we’ll explain’. 

 

Kara nods slowly. Selene nods, tilts her head down, licks once at Lyra’s nose, her gleaming green eyes resting level and steady on Alex’s face. She doesn’t speak, but Lyra nudges her head up against Selene’s chin, and Alex feels a vibration in her chest, curling up behind her eyes, a quiet, firm encouragement. 

 

_ Be brave, Alex.  _

 

Then Selene turns, and runs across the warehouse, one leap, and then another, and then she springs up into the air and soars up through the ruined roof, and Lyra sighs heavily. 

 

Alex understands the sound, the loss, and curls her fingers against Lyra’s neck. It’s a strange thing, to long for someone, to miss them like a physical ache, when moments ago, she wasn’t even aware of the woman’s existence. 

 

But the loss is there, beside her heart, and Lyra tilts her against Alex’s hip, and sighs in understanding. 

 

~      ~      ~      ~      ~

 

Selene catches up to Astra on the roof of an apartment block several miles away from that warehouse, and all the truths it contains. 

 

She catches up to her, because Astra is reeling, a tight vice around her ribs that makes it almost impossible to breathe, like the embrace of her niece’s arms, the strength in her, that love in her eyes before she began to question the situation, the suffocating knowledge that Kara might not hate her, that she might still love her, the earth tilting, soul changing knowledge that the woman with steel in her eyes is irrevocably part of her. 

 

She catches up, because Astra’s vision is blurred with tears, the dark sky above her and the grey rooftops below her blending into an indistinguishable gradient, and when she lands on the roof of the apartment block, it’s a stumbled, graceless landing that sends her to her knees, Selene’s distant roar echoing in the distance. 

 

Less than a week ago, Astra believed that her niece, the girl she loved as if she was her own, had perished on Krypton. She believed that she was gone, and she’d never see her again. 

 

And then, that changed, and she saw an opportunity to reunite with her niece, to see her again, to talk to her, to find a way to convince her to help, because this world desperately needs saving. 

 

But the possibility that she might ever find her soulmate was lost in the all consuming fire of Krypton’s destruction. That was a fact, a solid, irrefutable thing, and it shouldn’t have changed. 

 

And yet, it has. 

 

‘Astra!’ 

 

Selene lands beside her, a far more graceful landing, and buts her head against her shoulder, a quick attempt to reassure her, but Astra flinches, staggers upright, backs away, tries to get a grip on herself, and snaps, ‘I’m fine. We must -’ 

 

Selene scoffs, a harsh sound in her throat, and says, ‘you’re not fine, Astra.  _ I’m _ not fine’. 

 

‘Stop’, she snaps, a harsh order, a quick command, like Selene is just another one of her soldiers, ‘it doesn’t matter’. 

 

Selene’s lips are pulled back in a faint snarl, her shoulders hunched, her body bent in a half crouch, and Astra sees the signs of a raging argument on the horizon, there in the set of her daemon’s shoulders, and she widens her stance, squaring her shoulders, like they’re facing off across a battlefield. It should be hard to argue with someone who knows all your intimate feelings, who shares them as their own, but for all their similarities, they are different beings, and Astra has always been the more stubborn of them, something that Selene finds endlessly frustrating. She sees that frustration, there in the irritated flick of her daemon’s tail, and when Selene speaks, Astra is not surprised at the anger in her voice, ‘of course it  _ matters _ , Astra’. 

 

This is not the first time they’ve fought, and it won’t be the last. Astra takes a deep breath, and says cooly, ‘alright, Selene, it matters. Kara is still… Kara’, her voice wavers, and she takes a deep breath, trying not to think about how she was right, that Kara would come to someone’s rescue, that she’s the hero her mother always said she’d be, ‘and Alex… Alexandra is…’ the word sticks in her throat, and she can’t say it, she can’t  _ say  _ it, because despite knowing the truth of it, it still seems completely impossible. 

 

‘Your soulmate’, Selene says, her voice gentling, her eyes gleaming and glowing in the dark, ‘she’s your soulmate, Astra’. 

 

Astra shuts her eyes, and curls her fingers into fists. She takes a slow, steadying breath, and when she speaks again, her voice is cold. ‘It doesn’t change anything’. 

 

Selene lunges at her with a growl, her paws colliding with her shoulders, knocking her back onto the roof, looming over her with that snarl twisting her mouth, her body pressing down and pinning her against the roof, and she roars, ‘it changes  _ everything _ !’ 

 

With their equal strength, it would be easy to shove her daemon off her, to lash out, but for the first time since Selene bent her head to nudge against Lyra’s chest, since she felt that connection in her bones, the tilting world stills, and stops spinning. She places her hands on either side of Selene’s powerful body, feeling the muscles rippling under her fingers, and instead of pushing her off, she slides them up to curl around her back, and clutch at her fur. Selene’s eyes are two points of glowing green in the dark, and her face softens, the hard curls of her mouth relaxing. She leans down, and nudges her face against Astra’s cheek, a comforting pur stirring in her throat, and she repeats, a soft sound against her ear, ‘it changes everything, Astra’. 

 

Astra grits her teeth, and shakes her head. ‘I can’t stop, Selene. We can’t stop. We’re so close, after all this time, after everything, we can’t stop. We lost Krypton. I won’t fail this world, too’. Astra wonders why it sounds like she’s reciting from a text book, why her once impassioned words have become dull, falling from her lips like heavy weights, and how long she’s sounded that lifeless to Selene. 

 

‘Astra’, Selene sits back on her haunches, batting a paw against her shoulder, an old, teasing thing that used to make Astra laugh, before the world as she knew it ended, ‘we both know that what we started… it’s become something else’.

 

Astra sighs, and runs a hand over her face, ignoring the slightly uncomfortable weight on her stomach, pushing thoughts of her husband and the dark look in his eyes that stirs whenever he looks at her, these days, the accusations that she’s been delaying, that reaching out to her niece is useless, a waste of time, and says, ‘we can still save this world, Selene. We have to’.

 

Selene pats at her face until Astra shoves her paw away and looks at her. Selene tilts her head, and says, ‘there’s always another way, Astra’. 

 

The memory of her long dead sister surges up behind her eyes, clouding her vision, and for a moment, that is all she sees. She remembers the chaos of her last days on Krypton, remembers her imprisonment, the rough pinch of the guards’ fingers on her arms, the day Alura marched into her cell and fell to her knees, clasping at her hands while their daemons embraced, the day she swore that she’d find a way to stop her from being sent to Fort Rozz, the promise she made to defend her. She remembers how it felt, to have her sister’s unwavering faith, to have her belief, her conviction, her  _ love _ , her arms around her in an embrace that neither knew would be the last. 

 

The last time she saw her sister, Zor-El was holding her back, his hands gripping her shoulders while Alura struggled, demanding a fair trial for her, while Astra was dragged away by guards. Her last memory of Alura is the desperation in her face, the horror in her eyes, the grief that left her voice raw. The last thing Astra said to her sister was a desperate plea, thrown across the space between them as she was dragged away, a scream Selene echoed, to save Kara, please, Alura, please  _ save Kara _ , and it was only once she reached Fort Rozz, that she realised that she never had the chance to tell Alura that she loved her, one last time. 

 

Astra feels her heart twist, an ever present wound, feels something like a whimper tear from her throat, a horrible sound, a weakness she’d never dare show except in front of Selene, the one person who can understand, who can  _ feel _ the weight of her loss. She sits up, and bows her head, a small gesture of surrender, and presses her face against her daemon’s soft, warm fur. Selene smells like wood smoke, a curl of fire, the warmth of glowing embers, and she lets out a shuddering breath, and says, ‘I miss her’. 

 

Selene makes a sound like a low whimper, a rumble against her cheek, and a heavy paw presses against her back, a warm, secure embrace. Her nose nudges against Astra’s temple, cold and dry, and she murmurs, ‘I miss her, too’. 

 

For a moment, Astra ignores the change in the world, in her soul, ignores the fact that part of her longs for a woman she barely knows, and yet  _ understands _ in a way she’s never understood anyone, that part of her wants to push off this roof and find Alex, that part of her wants to find her niece, again, to apologise, that part of her wants to  _ change _ , to give up her cause, something that she doesn’t even know how to do. 

 

She ignores it all, buries her face against her daemon’s fur, and thinks of her sister, her kind words of compassion, her conviction that justice would always prevail. She thinks of Alura’s daemon, and how Sola was identical to Selene in every way, lacking any physical sign to mark them apart, she thinks about how Sola would nudge her shoulder against Selene’s in an attempt to knock her off balance. 

  
She thinks about the fact that even though she and Selene have found their soulmate, there is a part of them that will never be whole again. 


	2. a touch of heavenly light

 

 

Lyra’s head is resting in Alex’s lap, and the warmth and weight of her is not reassuring, this time. Alex sighs, shuts her eyes, and tilts her head back against the couch. She scratches her fingers in a circular motion just underneath Lyra’s ear until she begins to purr. The rumble runs through her, like a vibration in her bones, and she feels some of the tension ease from her shoulders. It’s been at least an hour since Kara left her to rest, her leg numbed with pain killers, but she still feels too wired to sleep. Her mind is racing, and Lyra’s weight prevents her from rising to grab some alcohol to just shut it up for a while. 

 

Lyra lifts her head suddenly, her ears twitching, and she stops purring. ‘Did you hear that?’ 

 

Alex sits up, and glances quickly towards her kitchen, where she left her gun. ‘Hear what?’

 

The door to her balcony creaks, and Lyra leaps off the couch to crouch in front of her, a low growl rumbling in her throat. 

 

Then Selene nudges the door open, and slinks into her living room like she’s done it a thousand times before. ‘Your security is surprisingly lax, for a government agent’, she says, and Lyra shivers at the deep, rich tenor of her voice. Alex feels it, like the fingers ghosting over the back of her neck. 

 

Alex swallows, watching as Lyra relaxes, and pads quickly across the room to meet Selene. She nudges her head against Selene’s side, and it makes Alex’s heart ache, to see how quickly her daemon moves in for that easy affection, like she trusts in her implicitly, already. Alex glances towards the balcony, half expecting to see the gleam of Astra’s white streak through her windows. But the night is still and quiet, and Alex remembers that kryptonians’ daemons can go far, far away from their people. 

 

‘You’ll have to excuse Astra’, Selene says, like she knows exactly what Alex is thinking, ‘she’s… stubborn’. 

 

Alex sighs. She flops down on the couch again, reaching for her wine, and watches as Selene sits back on her haunches, and tilts her head, regarding her with an inquisitive, sympathetic expression. Lyra lies down beside her, tilting her head back to nudge at Selene’s chest, and Alex can feel the echo of her daemon’s purr deep in her chest. She’s almost exasperated by the way Lyra fawns over Selene, except she understands why her daemon does it. She understands, because she’s part of her, and the longing to be near her soulmate, to see the gleam of Astra’s eyes again, that is part of her too. So instead, she sighs, and says, ‘what are you doing here?’ 

 

Selene smiles, and Alex wonders whether Astra resembles her daemon at all when she smiles. She wants to see the woman smile. She wants to see her, again, without this war in between them. She wants Astra to see reason. She  _ wants  _ her. ‘I thought you might want to understand, Alex, why she’s… resisting this’. 

 

Alex curls her hands into fists, and looks away from them. It hurts, somehow, because as close as their souls are, as close and as comfortable as they seem, Astra isn’t here, and it  _ hurts _ . ‘I want to know a lot of things, Selene. I want to know why Kara thought you were dead. I want to know how you ended up on Earth. Why I was kidnapped. Fuck, Selene, I want to know a lot more than just why... ’ she trails off, and runs a hand through her hair, and god, her life hasn’t been simple since Kara landed on Earth, but it's always felt more simple than  _ this _ . 

 

Lyra stands, and pads over the floor towards her, nudges her nose at her knee, and Alex rests her hand on her daemon’s head for a moment. ‘Alex’, Lyra says, gentle and soft, and she can’t understand why her daemon looks so calm, when she feels so twisted up inside. ‘Let her explain’.

 

Alex sighs. She runs her thumb over the ridge between Lyra’s eyes, and nods. Lyra returns to Selene, and lies down again, lays her head down over her paws, and Selene leans down to rub her nose over her neck. She sighs heavily, straightens again, her tail flicking back and forth like a lazy snake, and says, ‘what do you want to know, Alex?’ 

 

Alex thinks of Astra’s expression when she said her dead sister’s name, the shock and fear in her eyes when she realised they were soulmates, the way she fled like the earth was cracking and burning beneath her feet, the lazy smile she wore as the General, the fact that she’d been captured at all, and swallows. ‘Everything’. 

 

~      ~      ~      ~      ~

 

Everything turns out to be a lot more than Alex was prepared for. 

 

Selene tells her about the day she and Astra discovered that their world was doomed, that it was dying because of their people’s greed, and their High Council, their elders, the people they’d grown up being told were their betters, the people that had sneered at them for their existence, would rather sentence their people to annihilation than admit their mistakes. 

 

She tells her about the day they were captured, when the sky was as red as fire and blood, when Alura came to their cell, when she fell to her knees in front of Astra and took her hands, when she promised that she’d defend them, that she’d fight for them, that she’d make the court see that she was driven by desperate measures, that she was trying to save them all. She tells her about the fact that they never got that trial, that in order to prevent Alura from revealing the truth to the public, they took the chance away from her. Astra had bruises on her arms from the guards’ hands, as they dragged her away, the last physical momentum she would ever carry from her people, her planet, her home, and Selene’s last memory of Sola was the sight of her jaws fastened around the leg of one of the guard’s daemons. Alura and Sola fought for them, in the end, and in the end, it wasn’t enough. 

 

She doesn't talk about Fort Rozz. Her lips curl back from her teeth when Alex asks about it, and they are so white against her dark fur that they almost gleam, like ivory against ink, and Alex remembers that Selene is not from the world. She remembers that for all her lazy elegance, the daemon could rip her in two with those teeth. She could probably rip a building apart, too. And yet the snarl twisting her lips isn’t a threatening thing, and the light in her sharp green eyes is dulled. Lyra tilts her head back, and licks Selene’s chin, and Selene shudders. She shudders, and lies down, rests her head in Lyra’s paws, and Lyra purrs in a soft, familiar, and reassuring way. Selene doesn’t talk about Fort Rozz, and Alex doesn’t ask her again. 

 

And then Selene tells her about Myriad. About their last resort to save their world, and Alex’s heart drops to her stomach. It drops, and Alex feels the chance of knowing Astra, of having her, of at least having her on their side, begin to slip through her fingers. Myriad, a mind control device, something designed to save a world and take away the freedom of its citizens. A last resort, and Alex thinks she can understand why it felt like the only option, back on Krypton, because their world was crumbling under their feet. 

 

But Earth. Earth is damaged, and Alex knows that, she’s not stupid, but there is  _ time _ . There is time, and hope, and dozens and dozens of other ways. They can save their planet. Some of them are already trying to. 

 

And Astra wants to take that all away. 

 

Alex wants to rage. She wants to scream at Selene, and demand that she find Astra, that she bring her here, but Selene doesn’t know where Astra is, she doesn’t know, except that she’s trying to convince herself that her cause is more important than this, than what they have, than what they are, and something about the way she says that,  _ she’s trying, she’s trying _ , makes it impossible. 

 

‘She’s trying’, Selene says, of her alien, of Astra, while she’s here, curled up against Lyra like there is nowhere else she’d rather be, ‘she knows it's become something else. She knows she wants to be here’. 

 

‘Why?’ Alex can hear the desperation in her own voice, and Lyra makes a soft, sympathetic sound. ‘Why is she doing this? Not… not Myriad, I get it, I do. Its… I don’t approve, at all, but I get why… just… why is she fighting this?’ 

 

Selene sighs, a long, exhausted sound, and Alex thinks she looks old, in her eyes, an age that doesn’t show in Astra’s face, and she says, ‘we lost many things when our planet died, Alex, and the possibility of ever meeting our soulmate died with it. But in comparison to everything else… to losing Alura and Sola, Kara and Seraphine… to losing our home… how could losing someone we never knew even matter?’ Selene shakes her great head, and shuts her eyes.  ‘So, we lost our soulmate before we could know them. It didn’t even compare to the rest. We weren’t supposed to meet you, Alex. We gave up on that a long time ago. And finding you now… it feels…’ 

 

Alex sighs, and runs a hand over her face. She shuts her eyes, and leans her head back against the couch. ‘It feels impossible’. 

 

Selene nods. ‘Just so’. 

 

Alex feels her mouth twist, and she feels drawn out and stretched too thin, she feels like she’s on the edge, and she snaps, ‘this isn’t exactly easy for me, either’. 

 

The muscles around Selene’s mouth soften, and she rolls onto her side, stretching out against the floorboards. Alex is struck again by how uncommonly large she is for a jaguar, but despite the power in her body, the pose is almost deliberately unthreatening. Selene tilts her head back to nudge at Lyra’s chest, and says, ‘no, Alex, I don’t imagine it is’. She shuts her eyes for a moment, and Lyra licks behind her ear. Selene huffs, and turns her head slightly so that she can meet Alex’s eyes. ‘Part of Astra believes that using Myriad is still the right course of action. And that part makes everything harder for her’. 

 

‘Why? Because I’m human? Because if she activates it, I’ll be lost too?’ Alex can’t help the edge to her voice, and she doesn’t really care. Lyra throws her a sharp glance, but Alex ignores her. ‘I can’t be special, Selene. Even if I’m her… even with what we are, I can’t be special. I’m still human. And she wants to enslave us all’. 

 

‘But you are special, Alex’. Selene’s voice seems to rumble in Alex’s bones, and she hates that part of her  _ likes _ the idea, that she can be special to someone, like this, that she can have this at all. ‘And that is why she’s finding it so difficult. Because she’s struggling to know, within herself, whether she doesn’t want to use Myriad anymore because she knows it’s not meant for this Earth, or simply because she’s found you’. 

 

_ Oh.  _

 

Alex stares at Selene for a long moment, and when she tries to speak, she sounds choked. ‘You don’t seem to be having that difficulty’. 

 

‘No’, Selene says, like it’s the simplest thing in the world, ‘I’m not’. 

 

Lyra gives Alex a significant look, like Selene’s words somehow confirm what she’s been saying,  _ it’s simple, Alex, it’s simple, she’s your soulmate _ , but nothing about this is simple, nothing at all, but she watches Lyra roll her eyes in quiet exasperation, and stretch out over Selene like there is nowhere more comfortable in the world, and she wishes that it was. 

 

She wishes she had that conviction. 

 

She wishes Astra did, too. 

 

~      ~      ~      ~      ~

 

Alex wakes to Astra standing by her bed. Her heart leaps into her mouth, choking the instinctive scream that surges up her throat, and she sits bolt upright, automatically reaching for her gun, and Astra jerks away from her, her eyes widening in what might be surprise, her hands lifting to shoulder height, and Alex swears violently. 

 

‘Jesus fucking christ, Astra’, she hisses, pressing her hand over her chest, her heart thundering against her ribs, ‘are you trying to give me a heart attack?’ 

 

Astra’s brow pinches, a flicker of annoyance passing over her face, and she says quietly, ‘if I wanted to kill you, Alexandra, there would be simpler ways than scaring you to death’. 

 

‘Yeah, thanks’, she grumbles, automatically matching the level of Astra’s voice, and she releases her gun with a shaking hand. 

 

Astra’s eyes flicker, an expression that might be interpreted as regret, and her frown deepens. ‘I did not mean to startle you. Truly’. 

 

Alex lets out a long, slow breath, lifting her hand to run her fingers through her hair, waiting for the adrenaline to fade, and scoffs a little. ‘Why were you standing so close to my bed, then?’ 

 

Astra points with one of the hands she still holds at shoulder height, points to the foot of Alex’s bed, and when Alex looks, she feels the irritated anger drain from her. ‘Oh’, she breathes, and her heart is beating hard against her chest, for a very different reason. 

 

Lyra is curled up at the foot of the bed, intertwined with Selene’s dark form, almost a shadow in the light, and Alex realises that she’s been sleeping with her knees drawn up to her chest to give them room. She doesn’t remember when they joined her in bed, and she stares at her daemon’s face, because she doesn’t think she’s ever seen Lyra look so relaxed before. She swallows, glances up at Astra, and she doesn’t think that she imagines the awe she sees in the woman’s expression. ‘She doesn’t sleep’, Astra says quietly, her voice tinged with astonishment, and something that might be gratitude, ‘ever. She hasn’t since Fort Rozz, when she would guard me while I slept. This is… I was simply stunned’. 

 

Alex blinks, and she can hear the sympathy in her own voice when she says, ‘how did she… function? Didn’t that -’ 

 

‘We are soldiers, Alexandra. And such sacrifices are sometimes necessary in order to survive’. There is an edge to Astra’s voice that makes Alex shut her mouth with a snap. Lyra snuffles, nudging her nose against Selene’s shoulder, and Selen makes a low sound, like a rumbling purr. Astra blinks, and something in her face changes. It’s not a softening, the corners of her eyes pinch, and her jaw tightens, but despite the rigidity to her expression, there is something vulnerable about it. ‘I didn’t ask her to make that choice, Alexandra. But she made up her mind to do it, and there was little I could do to dissuade her’. 

 

Alex smiles, a wordless apology. ‘Stubborn. Like you, then’. 

 

Astra’s expression softens, just a little, just enough, and she inclines her head. ‘I suppose that is one word for it’. 

 

Something about that, about the way Astra’s face softens, like she’s giving ground, brings Alex crashing back to reality. She swallows, and something in her face must give her away, because Astra’s expression turns serious. ‘No harm will come to you, Alexandra. Not from me. And not from anyone else, if I can help it. I swear’. 

 

As if to emphasise her words, she lifts her hands a little higher, and it’s a somewhat comical picture, the intense look in her eyes, the sincerity in her voice, but the amusement that sparks in Alex’s gut is short lived, because she’s suddenly noticed that Astra’s hands are tinged a dark, shining crimson in the lamplight, and she scrambles out of bed at once. ‘Is that blood?’ 

 

Astra blinks, and Alex has finally stopped questioning why she can't keep the concern from her voice. ‘It's not mine’, she says, but there is an edge her to her voice that grates. 

 

Alex moves forwards, and Astra watches her warily, like she's not sure what to expect from her, and Alex understands the feeling. Astra has done nothing but catch her off guard since they first met. Was that only a couple of hours ago? 

 

Alex moves past Astra, beckoning for her to follow, and after a brief hesitation, Astra obeys, moving silently across her apartment to the kitchen. Alex flicks on the overhead light, flooding them in a cocoon of clarity, the rest of the apartment still shrouded in darkness, with the exception of that one small lamp beside her bed. She can see the silhouette of their daemons from here, the outline of Selene’s shoulders, the curl of Lyra’s tail over her back, and she wishes for that ease between their daemons, she wishes that she could cross this distance separating them, that she could embrace Astra, to feel that connection again. 

 

Instead, she turns to face Astra, and it's only now that she can see the woman clearly that she sees the condition she's in. ‘You look like shit’.

 

Astra snorts, propping her stained hands on her hips, making no effort to wipe the grime from her face, or brush down her suit. ‘Thank you for that assessment, Alexandra’. There is a dark substance staining her suit in places, visible because it gleams in the light above them, tinted a faint blue, and the left side of her face is covered in a thick, congealed matter, a mix of what looks like dirt and blood, darker than the colour staining her fingers, sheathing them in a mockery of gloves, and Alex simply stares at her for a moment. 

 

Astra’s hair is twisted up out of the way on the back of her neck, and Alex stares at the slender curve of her neck, where there is no grime or dirt, no blood, and she wants to run her fingers up the slope of her neck, she wants to fit her fingers against Astra’s cheek, and ask her if she's alright. She knows that Astra and her kind are invincible, but Kara has been hurt before, and Astra looks like she went on a suicide mission, like she waged a one man war, and Alex remembers that Selene said that Astra was resisting what the had. She said nothing about this. 

 

She swallows tightly, and gestures at the grime covering Astra’s face. ‘If I didn't know better, I’d say that was a head wound’. 

 

Astra shrugs slightly, and she doesn't wince, but her expression hardens a little, steel locked in her jaw, and that tells Alex more than a wince would. ‘It was, but it wasn't mine’. She tilts her head slightly, a faint frown furrowing her brow. ‘I am invincible, Alexandra’.

 

Alex reaches out, and prods Astra’s stomach with her index finger. There is no give, her finger comes up against solid muscle, hard steel that she doesn't think is just due to the woman's superior strength, but Astra lets out a faint pained hiss. ‘Right’, Alex says, her voice mercifully steady despite the heat that licks at her belly, because she wasn't expecting  _ that _ , and she drops her hand quickly, ‘completely invincible’. 

 

Astra says nothing, her brow lowered in what might be puzzlement, like she doesn't quite understand why Alex is even interested in her wellbeing. Alex sighs, and says, ‘wait here’. 

 

She moves quickly, retrieving a pair of tracksuit pants and a soft grey shirt from her closet, returning to find Astra standing exactly where she left her, watching her with that slightly wary, puzzled look, and Alex beckons to her again. ‘Come on’. 

 

Astra follows her into the bathroom with slightly narrowed eyes. ‘What are you up to, Alexandra?’ 

 

Alex makes an irritated noise, and shuts the door behind them. ‘It's Alex, Astra’.

 

Astra stands there, her hands empty by her sides, her shoulders tight, like she's uncomfortable in the small, brightly lit bathroom. ‘Do you not like your official title?’ 

 

‘My title would be Agent Danvers, or Doctor Danvers, depending on the day’. She points at the bathtub, and says, ‘sit, General’. 

 

Astra blinks, and for a moment she looks vaguely alarmed. ‘What exactly do you have planned?’ 

 

Alex grabs the facecloth from the sink, and dangles it from her fingers so that Astra can see it clearly. ‘I want to clean you up. Like I said, you look like shit’. 

 

Astra looks a little taken aback, and vaguely affronted. ‘I am perfectly capable of doing that myself, Alexandra’.

 

Alex grips the washcloth a little tightly, and her voice pitches a little higher in what might be a plea. ‘Come on, Astra. Can we just pretend for a moment that we’re not… on opposite sides of a war? That we’re just… what we are?’ 

 

Astra’s expression softens, and she looks down at her stained hands. She sighs, and even though her ramrod posture doesn't change, she seems to shrink a little. The muscles in her throat tighten, and says quietly, ‘life has never given me the courtesy of being simple’.

 

Alex feels a weight drop into her gut, a peculiar tightening around her throat, but before she can do more than drop her hand in resignation, Astra sits down on the edge of the tub. She doesn't look at her, choosing instead to stare down at her hands, and there is a rigid set to her shoulders, tension in her neck, and Alex feels herself smile as relief floods her, and she moves quickly to the sink, letting the water run until it's warm. ‘I prefer Alex’, she says quietly, over the sound of rushing water, ‘because I’m only ever called Alexandra by my mother when she's disappointed in me’.

 

It is a very raw thing to say, for her, a part of her to bare to the woman whose soul sings in tune with hers, but she understands that Astra feels more vulnerable in this situation than she's letting on, and maybe this simple thing can even things out between them. 

 

Astra makes a sharp, surprised sound, and she sounds genuinely incredulous when she says, ‘how could your mother ever be disappointed in you? How could anyone?’ 

 

Alex tries to laugh, but she sounds more astonished than amused. She lets the warm water run over the cloth, and rubs some soap into the fibres before she squeezes out the excess water. ‘Was that flattery, Astra?’ 

 

She turns around to find Astra watching her, an intent, alert look, something else she can't identify. Astra frowns, the dried grime at her temple cracking, flakes falling down to settle on her shoulders, and she says, ‘it was a genuine question’. 

 

Alex blinks, her smile slipping away, because it’s hard to pretend that her mother’s disappointment doesn’t hurt, when Astra is looking at her like that. She grabs the bathmat from the hanger, spreads it out over the floor near Astra’s feet, and then kneels. Astra looks down at her, her eyes pale and green in the light, and despite the fact that the woman is looming above her, despite her superior strength, Alex feels like Astra is the vulnerable one, here. 

 

Astra doesn’t know her, but Alex has spent the last couple of hours talking to Astra’s daemon. She knows Selene, and by proxy, she knows Astra. She  _ knows _ Astra. 

 

And that knowledge is something she wants to treasure. 

 

‘Selene told me that you and Alura found it almost impossible to make a lot of people see past the fact that you were twins. Even your mother. Sometimes, nothing we do is enough’. She reaches out, the washcloth dangling from her fingers, and says, ‘hands’. 

 

Astra’s expression cracks, a fissure that twists her mouth, and she glances away. She takes a long, deep breath, and Alex wonders if she’s trying to find the strength to raise her mask again, if she wants to flee, but the woman makes no effort to move. Instead, she extends her hands to Alex, resting her forearms on her thighs, and her gaze is intense. Her lips press into a thin line, and waits. 

 

Alex begins at her wrists. She grips Astra’s forearm, over the dirty suit, so that she doesn’t have to touch the woman’s skin, and drags the cloth over the inside of her wrist. Astra doesn’t move, but the steel muscles in her arm tighten. Alex wonders if it's a sign that she's uncomfortable, or if, like Alex herself, she's trying to restrain herself from touching her. 

 

They haven't touched, despite the way their daemons interact so freely, curling around each other in the way Alex longs to embrace Astra, and she wonders what it would feel like, she wants to know what it feels like, because she remembers how it felt when their daemons first touched. Astra holds her hand out straight and rigid, and Alex bows her head slightly, concentrating on wiping the blood from the creases of Astra’s palm in an attempt distract herself from how close they are. 

 

When Astra speaks, her voice sounds very loud in the silence. ‘What else did Selene tell you?’ 

 

Alex swallows, thinking of the heavy note to Selene’s voice as she told her about Krypton, about Alura and Sola, about Myriad, the way she tilted her head down to hide against Lyra’s neck, and she keeps her eyes down, in an attempt to give Astra some privacy, and says, ‘a lot of things. She wanted… she wanted me to understand you’. 

 

Astra makes a strange sound, her free hand tightening on her knee, and she says, ‘and… do you?’ 

 

Alex looks up at her, at that fractured look in her eyes, and she sighs heavily. She wants to reach up and smooth the frown from Astra’s brow, to ease the pain creasing the corners of her eyes. Instead, she says quietly, ‘I… I want to’. 

 

Astra sighs, something that might be disappointment passing over her face, like she expected such an answer, but hoped for something else. Alex squeezes her forearm, and adds, ‘I understand that you've been… alone, and suffering, for a long time. That you lost your planet, and you had no one to help you through that. I can't…’ she swallows, looking down at Astra’s almost clean hand, where blood remains at the tips of her long fingers. ‘I can't even imagine what that must've been like, Astra. To lose… everything, and to have to… process it all in Fort Rozz. Hell, I imagine that place was already a shit hole without having to deal with all that… grief, on top of it’.

 

Astra is silent, for a moment, and Alex finishes cleaning her hand. She moves to stand, to rinse the cloth, but Astra curls her fingers up, and presses them against the inside of her wrist. Alex freezes, a sharp inhale catching between her teeth, at the sensation that blossoms from the point of contact, sparks and fire spiralling out to burn in her fingers, and it's simultaneously intoxicating, a need for more thumping in her throat, and soothing, and the tension seems to leave from Astra’s shoulders.

 

She shudders, her fingers pressing up, and there is no mask, now, if there ever was, a kind of awe in her eyes, a vulnerability that leaves Alex breathless, and she says, ‘it was cold. Except for the furnaces at the heart of the prison, everything else was… cold. Cold and dark. Like the empty, fathomless void of the Phantom Zone had seeped into its walls’. She looks at her, and there is something almost pleading in her eyes, something as broken as Astra is physically strong. ‘And it is… it's impossible not to become… like that place, trapped in there’.

 

‘Astra…’ Alex wants to reach up and cup her face, she wants to wrap Astra in her arms until there is nothing but the feeling of being physically connected to her, but instead, she settles for wrapping her fingers around Astra’s wrist, like a strange parody of a handshake, and Astra’s fingers curl a little tighter in response. ‘You're not cold and dark’.

 

Astra’s mouth twists, and she looks down, looks away. ‘The things I had to do in that place were… even with your help, I will never wash all the blood from my hands’.

 

Alex grits her teeth against the sudden burn behind her eyes, because with their hands wrapped around their wrists, and that connection sparking between them, she can almost imagine that she can feel the weight of Astra’s grief, her despair, that she can feel what it is to be the lonely woman trapped behind her broken eyes. She squeezes Astra’s wrist, and says, ‘we can try, Astra’. 

 

She rises, and without letting go of Astra’s wrist, she flicks the tap on with one hand, and rinses the blood from the wash cloth.

 

When she kneels again, Astra is still watching her, and this time, Alex fits her hand against the back of Astra’s, holding it still while she cleans the blood away, and the woman reaches down to touch her leg. ‘How is it?’ she asks, her fingers pressing against her knee, and Alex shivers at the sparks that unfurl over her thigh. She’s oddly thankful she decided to wear shorts to bed.

 

‘Better’, she says, and in truth, the painkillers she's taken are strong enough that it just feels like a dull ache.

 

Astra splays her fingers over her thigh, just above her knee, and Alex swallows, trying to keep her heart rate steady, breathing evenly, because she knows that Astra can hear it. ‘I meant what I said. I did not intend for you to be injured’. 

 

Alex sighs, turning Astra’s hand over to tend to the blood staining her knuckles, and Astra grips her hand, not tightly, but there is tension in her fingers. Alex wonders if Astra is affected by that same, overwhelming need she feels, to stay connected, to stay close, even though the faint clasp of hands is all they've allowed themselves. ‘What was your plan?’ 

 

Astra seems to hesitate, but she answers, anyway. ‘I wanted to speak to my niece, away from the influence of your organisation. I wanted to… to see if she was the hero her mother always believed she'd be’. 

 

Alex stands again, dumps the cloth in the sink to rinse it, letting the warm water run over her fingers, and says, ‘and your verdict?’ 

 

Astra makes a choked sound that might be an attempt at a laugh, but if only manages to sound pained. ‘That her mother would be as proud of her as I am’. 

 

Something sharp twists in Alex’s chest, and she tries to imagine what it must have been like, for Astra to lose her sister, to lose her twin, and she wonders what would become of her, if she lost Kara, and was left alone in the dark to deal with it. Alex shudders, and turns to face Astra. ‘I… I’m sorry, Astra. For… I’m sorry you lost your sister’. 

 

Astra’s fingers tighten on her knees, knuckle white against the material of her suit. She stares down at her hands, and the side of her face is rigid with grief, her jaw locked tight, the muscles in her neck strained, and when she speaks, her voice is raw. ‘Did Selene tell you about my sister’s daemon?’ 

 

Alex frowns slightly. She drapes the washcloth over the edge of the bath, and kneels in front of Astra again. She reaches out, and takes the woman's hands in her own, fits their fingers together on her knees, and Astra shivers, a strange choked sound vibrating in her throat. ‘Just her name’, she says quietly, and it has not escaped her notice that Astra hasn't spoken Alura’s name out loud. She remembers the way Astra reacted in the warehouse, the way a single word was able to throw her so violently, and squeezes her hands. ‘I got the impression that it was too difficult for her’.

 

‘Sola’, Astra says the name with a kind of soft, melancholy affection that pulls at Alex’s heart, her eyes pools of stormy grief in the light, ‘was identical to Selene. Just like…’ her jaw works, her teeth grinding together, tears gleaming at the corners of her eyes, and Alex wonders if Astra has spoken Alura’s name since she died. ‘She used to say that our souls were the same because we were designed to be as one. That we'd never be parted. That we'd never be… whole, without each other’.

 

Alex grips Astra’s hands tighter. ‘You don’t believe that, do you?’ 

 

Astra’s mouth twists, and she says, ‘when I first told Alura about… about my solution to Krypton’s destruction, she told me that there was always another way’. She shuts her eyes, and murmurs, ‘she was right about a lot of things’.

 

Alex remembers the horror that first filled her when Selene told her about Myriad, about what it could do, but she can hear the grief in Astra’s voice, the heavy despair that must have seized her on Krypton, and all she feels is a hot stab of desperation. She has to find some way to convince Astra that there are other ways, that Myriad was always a last resort that shouldn’t have been implemented, here on Earth, because she has to, and if she doesn’t, the possibility, the promise contained in the clasp of their hands, will cease to exist. 

 

And Alex doesn’t want to fight Astra. She doesn’t want to fight her soulmate, and she doesn’t care if that makes her selfish. 

 

‘You mean Myriad?’ 

 

Astra jerks, but Alex grips her hands and doesn’t let her snatch them away, doesn’t let her retreat, tries to tell her without words that she hasn’t brought it up to condemn her, not yet. ‘Selene… Selene told you about Myriad?’ 

 

Alex nods slowly, staring up into her eyes, and says, ‘like I said, she wanted me to understand. And I can… I won’t judge you for the things you did on Krypton, Astra. You were facing an impossible situation, and you were desperate. Myriad was…’ 

 

‘A last resort’, Astra says, her voice lowered to something like a whisper, hoarse and raw. ‘I saw no other way. I just wanted to save my planet. We had… we had such brilliant minds. We created wonders, and horrors, and if we’d worked together… we might have saved ourselves’. 

 

Alex grimaces, and she wonders how Astra is alive, how she’s  _ sane _ , because it wasn’t just grief she had to deal with, or the violence of Fort Rozz, the need to stay alive, but the knowledge that she’d had a  _ chance _ to save her people, however questionable the methods, she’d had a chance, she’d had  _ hope _ , and it had been taken from her. Just like everything else. ‘I think that when you came here, you were so…’ she pauses, searching for the right word, aware of the way Astra is looking at her, something desperate, half hidden behind the fractured mirrors behind her eyes, and Alex swallows, because she wants to get this  _ right.  _ She won’t lie, no, she’ll never lie, not about something like this, never to Astra, but she is aware that sometimes, the meaning of a word can be mistaken. But she takes a deep breath, and tries. ‘You were traumatised, Astra. From losing your planet, your sister, your niece, from Fort Rozz, from having the chance to do… something ripped away from you’. She runs her thumbs over the insides of Astra’s wrists, and says softly, ‘you saw similarities between our planet, and yours, and that was too much for you’. 

 

‘I just…’ Astra bites her lip, hard enough that the skin whitens, but there is no blood, there will never be blood, and Astra is so strong, and yet so vulnerable. ‘I wanted to make up for what I’d done. I wanted to save this planet. I couldn’t let another die’. 

 

‘I know, Astra’, and she does, she does know, even if she doesn’t agree with the method, the decision to use a last resort when there is still time, and hope, and other ways, but she knows that Astra was acting with good intentions, ‘but Myriad isn’t the way. Not here’. 

 

Astra sighs heavily, her shoulders slumping, and she looks, all at once, completely and utterly exhausted. She shuts her eyes, and sways forward a little. Alex lets go of her hand, reaches up to grip her shoulder, and Astra says, ‘I know’.

 

Relief hits her in a wave, smacking against her back and washing over her shoulders, and Alex lets out a long breath, the muscles in her legs trembling, weak from relief, and she almost manages to smile. Instead, she releases Astra, and stands, shifting forward a little, and grabs the washcloth from the bath. It’s still warm, and with her heart thumping hard against her ribs, like it wants to burst free, she reaches out, and carefully touches Astra’s chin. The woman jerks, her eyes flying open, but she doesn’t move. ‘Can I clean this up?’ Alex asks, gesturing to the grime still covering half of her face, and when Astra nods, a hesitant thing, Alex cups her jaw, and drags the cloth gently over the skin beneath her eye. She’s silent, for a moment, absorbing the monumental truth that Astra knows Myriad isn’t the solution, on Earth, that she might be open to switching sides, and then says, ‘will you tell me one thing?’

 

‘Anything’. Astra says it matter of factly, a simple statement, like it doesn’t sound like a promise, like it doesn’t sound raw as it echoes between them. ‘What is it?’

 

‘How did you end up like this? And why did Selene think that you were off… resisting what we… what we are?’

 

Astra shuts her eyes, and Alex gazes at her face, following the strong line of her cheekbone with the cloth, wiping it up the hollow of her cheek, tracing the angles of her face without directly touching her, and she is close enough to kiss, and so, unbelievably beautiful. Astra swallows, and Alex can feel the steady thump of her pulse against her fingers, can feel the heat of her skin, the sparks running along her palms, the way her eyelashes flutter against her skin, the way her brow furrows slightly, and she thinks that she could stare at Astra’s face for days, and never grow tired of it. ‘I was. At first. I… I needed to think. About Myriad. About Kara. About…’ her hand drifts up to settle at the small of Alex’s back, over the thin cotton of her shirt, and Alex shivers, ‘about you’. 

 

Alex shifts her hand, cups Astra’s cheek, so that she can wipe the cloth over Astra’s jaw, down her neck, and Astra tilts her face against her hand, perhaps to give her easier access, perhaps simply desiring the contact. ‘You look like you were in a fight’. 

 

‘I… I was. I returned to Fort Rozz’. She frowns slightly, and it looks less pained without the dirt caking her face. ‘I will be honest with you, I cannot tell you what my intentions were when I arrived, but I don't think destruction was on my mind’.

 

Alex steps away, rinses the cloth in the sink again, and when she steps close again, she doesn't think twice about curving her fingers against Astra’s cheek. The woman stares up at her with that strange confused, almost awed look, like she doesn't understand how Alex has the courage to touch her, or why she'd even want to. Alex wipes the cloth down the slope of Astra’s neck again, up behind her ear, presses a little forcefully at the dirt underneath her jaw, and says, ‘what did you destroy?’ 

 

‘Myriad’. 

 

Alex freezes, staring at Astra with her lips parted in surprise. ‘You… but I thought you…’ 

 

‘I had my doubts. And Selene… she voiced them. I had already become… somewhat disillusioned, with what I was attempting. With the things Non said, when he talked of what we could do. The power we would wield. And I was facing this… this last resort I had built for my people, and I couldn't…’ Astra’s mouth twists, and she looks away. ‘I wanted… I want to… be here. With my niece. With you’.

 

Alex drops the washcloth into the bathtub, ignoring the wet splat it makes, and uses the sleeve of her shirt to dry off Astra’s face. Then she cups Astra’s face in her hands, and says softly, ‘Astra… I can't tell you how… how relieved I am, that you want to join us. That you want to switch side, and… and be with us’. She swallows, dizzy with the feel of Astra’s skin under her fingers, with the relief, with the hope fluttering between her ribs. ‘But you didn't have to take Myriad out on your own’.

 

Astra reaches up, and carefully curls her hands around Alex’s wrists. Alex shivers, and sways a little, leaning a little closer, and she can see where the grey in Astra’s eyes becomes green, becomes blue, the almost purple glimmer to grey, and she wonders if this is what it means to stare into someone’s soul. Astra stares up at her, and whispers, ‘I am a General. I knew that I'd have to… find a way to prove my sincerity to your Director. To Kara. To you. Destroying Myriad… destroying something that has been my life for so long… it seemed… it seemed right’.

 

‘But what if you hadn't succeeded, Astra? What if you'd died?’ Alex swallows, and she wonders if she should be surprised by how much the idea horrifies and terrifies her. ‘Kara just reunited with you again. And I just… I just met you’.

 

_ I just found you _ , she wants to say,  _ I just found you when I thought I never would.  _

 

Astra’s jaw works, muscles tightening under Alex’s fingers, and she says quietly, ‘if I had died, I would at least have died honourably. Trying to make this world… safer. Atoning for my crimes’. 

 

Alex leans forward, and presses their foreheads together. Heat blossoms at the base of her skull, burns behind her eyes, and she says, ‘Astra, there is a difference between trying to do the right thing, and becoming a martyr’. 

 

Astra makes a strange, strangled sound, and Alex doesn’t know if it’s because of what she said, or the way they’re touching. Her hands drop from her wrists to settle on her waist, her fingers curling tight in her shirt, and her breath is warm where it brushes over her cheek when she says, ‘what… what happens now?’ 

 

It doesn’t escape her that Astra has glossed over what she said, and Alex swallows tightly. She wonders if it's because of survivor's guilt, whether it's something that comes with being the last survivors of a dead world, whether that's why Astra seems to have the same lack of concern for her own life that Alex has seen in Kara, though it seems far more concerning, here. She sighs, smoothing her thumbs lightly over Astra’s high, strong cheekbones, and murmurs, ‘well, you’ve proven that you definitely want to change. That you want to… come over to our side’. She pauses, because it occurs to her that she has absolutely zero proof that Astra has done what she says she’s done, except she believes her, she believes in a way she hasn’t believed anyone in a long time, without a flicker of doubt, because she  _ knows _ that it’s true. ‘I’ll talk to Hank. You’re a valuable asset, and aside from last… from today, you’ve never actually clashed with the DEO before. You’ll… I’m sure he’ll be happy to have your help in this, really. And there is Kara. She’ll vouch for you too’. She sighs, and loosens her grip slightly. ‘I should call her. Update her on everything’. 

 

Astra grips her shirt tighter, stops her from pulling away, and says, ‘could we… could we wait? I don’t… I am not the woman Kara remembers. I have a lot of explaining to do, and I don’t… I don’t think I can face her tonight’. 

 

‘Astra…’ 

 

‘Please, Alex’. 

 

It’s the sound of her name in the woman’s mouth, said like that, a lilt that sounds like a plea, soft and quiet in the bathroom, and Alex shivers. She presses closer, drawn in by the way Astra says her name, the way it rolls over her tongue, her nose brushing against Astra’s cheek, and god, she wants to kiss her. Instead she nods, her eyes squeezed shut, her pulse rapid where it beats against her neck, and she knows that Astra must hear it. The feel of Astra’s skin under her hands, against her forehead, is incredibly, it’s enticing, and it’s not enough. She wants Astra to press those strong hands against her skin, without her shirt in the way, she wants to feel more of her, and it’s overwhelming in a wonderful way. ‘Alright, Astra’, she says, and her voice wavers a little, ‘just for tonight, we’ll wait. But then I’ll have to call Kara, and we’ll have to talk to Hank, alright?’ 

 

It really isn’t that hard to give Astra that, not when she’s gone and destroyed Myriad, and taken out that terrible threat all on her own, that thing she’s spent years pouring herself into, not when she’s come back clearly sore despite her invulnerability, not when she looks, and sounds, so broken sometimes. Astra nods, and very softly, she echoes Alex’s earlier words, ‘I understand. But for now… we’re what we are?’  

 

Alex smiles, a slight twitch of her lips, and nods. ‘Yeah’. She sighs, and says, ‘and however difficult tomorrow might be, Astra, that’s not going to change’. 

 

Astra shivers, and tilts her head up slightly, her nose bumping against Alex’s cheek, and her hands slide up her sides, press against her back, and they’re warm and strong and Alex sways forwards. She inhales sharply, and it would be so easy, so simple, to kiss Astra, when she can feel the warmth of her breath against her cheek. Alex bites her lip to silence the groan that bubbles up in her throat, and she mumbles, ‘god, I want to kiss you’. 

 

Astra’s fingers curl tight in her shirt, and it’s more than that, really, more than a desire to kiss her, she just  _ wants _ her, and she can hear the heat in Astra’s voice when she says, ‘Alex…’

 

Alex kisses her, and thinks, oh,  _ oh _ , this is what it’s meant to be like. 

 

This, the way Astra makes a low sound at the back of her throat, a vibration that settles in the hollow of her throat, this, the way Astra presses against her back, presses her closer, the strength in her hands, this, the way Astra’s lips part beneath her own, her tongue warm, gently probing, like Alex is something she doesn’t understand but wants to discover,  _ this _ , the way Alex feels like she could kiss Astra while the world ended and she wouldn’t even notice. 

 

Alex pulls back, and Astra tilts her head up to chase her, kisses her again, just as warm and as dizzying as before, like she’s just affected by that need for  _ more _ , by that want, by how right it feels to be so close, and Alex smiles. She smiles, and she kisses Astra, again and again, because she can, because right now, they’re just what they are, and when she pulls back, its to say, ‘you need to change’. 

 

It’s not at all what she expected to say, because really, it’s the last thing on her mind, and Astra smiles. She smiles, her bottom lip caught between her teeth, her eyes gleaming and darkened, and god, she’s beautiful. Alex kisses her again, soft and brief, and says, ‘you’re suit is still filthy’. 

 

Astra stands, releases her, and Alex turns her back, thinking about how  _ absurd _ it is that she already misses the warmth of Astra’s hands, that she misses not touching her. She stares at the door, and she remembers how exasperated she was by the way Lyra moved immediately to Selene’s side when she arrives, and almost laughs at herself. She understands, now. 

 

But the separation is brief, because she forgot, for a moment, that Astra is not, and never has been human, and she gasps in surprise when Astra grips her shoulders, turns her around, and presses her against the door. She groans when Astra kisses her again, a searing thing, her tongue pressing against her lips, warm and wet, and those strong hands are on her waist again, her thumbs brushing over the skin just beneath her shirt, and Alex moans into her mouth. She moans, and reaches up, fumbles briefly with the tie keeping Astra’s hair up, before she pulls it free, and the woman’s hair cascades down her shoulders. It’s softer than she anticipated, perhaps like the woman herself, soft in ways she couldn’t have imagined, and she runs her hands through it, feels the curls slide under her fingers, and Astra makes a soft sound against her mouth when her nails drag lightly over her scalp. 

 

She can feel the power in Astra’s body, where it’s pressed flush against her, all steel muscles and strong edges, soft in hidden places, in treasured places, soft where Alex cups her face, soft, in that hollow at the base of her neck, the curve of her breast she feels when she runs her hand down Astra’s side, around her back to pull her closer, and Astra hisses, an undoubtedly pained sound. Alex pulls away, lets her head thump back against the door, and raises her eyebrows. ‘And I thought you weren’t hurt’. 

 

Astra blinks slowly, and the corner of her mouth crooks in a faint smile. ‘Such concern’. She runs her fingers carefully over the line of Alex’s jaw, her gaze intense and fixed, like she wants to memorise the shape of her face, like she doesn’t believe that things won’t change tomorrow. 

 

Alex leans forward to kiss her again, a little less frantically, and stays close when she says, ‘are you alright? I know you’re invulnerable, but I’ve seen Kara hurt after a fight before’. 

 

Astra seems to pause, tension stiffening her neck, and Alex kisses her, tries to draw that hesitation from her, to say that there is nothing weak about admitting to hurts. Astra shivers, and leans into her, pressing her against the door, and murmurs, ‘I am unhurt, Alex. Simply… sore’. 

 

Alex wraps her arms carefully around Astra’s neck, and tucks her face against the woman’s shoulder. Astra makes a surprised, strangled sound, and all at once, Alex wonders whether her embrace with Kara in the warehouse only hours before was the first time she’d been hugged in decades. She tightens her grip, just for that thought, and Astra’s hands press against her back, her fingers tense, twisting in her shirt, and Alex thinks that she’s scared. Scared, because she just destroyed something she’d spent years building, something that Alex thinks might have been the only stable thing in her life, after losing everything, after Fort Rozz, scared, because tomorrow holds the unease of the unknown, and Alex can’t promise that her transition to their side will be easy, or that Kara, with her good and loving heart, will necessarily understand everything that Astra has done. Kara will love Astra, nonetheless, but it might not be easy for either of them. 

 

‘Come rest’, she says, her lips pressed against Astra’s neck, where she can feel the steady beat of her pulse, and Astra shivers. ‘You don’t have to sleep, if you don’t want, but we should rest’. 

 

Astra says nothing, but she allows Alex to slip out of her arms, and take her hand, instead. Astra looks down at their joined fingers with something like awe, her lips curled in that faint smile that makes Alex desperately want to see her smile, completely, without any weight pressing down on her shoulders, furrowing her brow, and she squeezes Astra’s hand in a way she hopes feels reassuring. She grabs Astra’s suit from the floor, and leads her out of the bathroom, and just as before, Astra follows her, but it's different, now, less like being shadowed and more like moving with her, moving in synch, like Astra is an extension of her, now. 

 

Like she’s part of her. 

 

She dumps Astra’s suit in among her dirty DEO suit from that day, that she hadn’t been bothered to clean, and switches on the washing machine, aware of Astra leaning close against her side, and she wonders if Astra will be like this tomorrow, or if she’s just indulging herself, right now, where the outside world feels like half forgotten dream. 

 

Their daemons are still fast asleep when Alex slides under the sheets, grateful for the weight of the covers against her skin, and Astra pauses, her legs bumping against the edge of the bed. Alex glances up at her. The woman isn’t looking at her, but at their daemons, her head tilted slightly, and Alex says quietly, ‘you okay?’ 

 

Astra makes a low sound of assent, like a long, drawn out hum, and carefully climbs into bed with her. She doesn’t lie down, sitting straight upright with her hands folded in her lap, and says, ‘this is just simply… not how I saw my day ending’. 

 

Alex smiles. Lyra is snoring, her jaw gaping, her sharp, deadly teeth gleaming in the lamplight, her breath ruffling the fur at the nape of Selene’s neck. Selene’s face is hidden beneath one of her great paws, and sprawled out together, they take up most of the bed. 

 

Alex kisses Astra’s cheek, and lies down with a heavy sigh. ‘I can relate’. 

 

Astra turns to look at her. She tilts her head slightly, that look of curiosity that has already become familiar to her, her eyes gleaming in that singular, intense look of concentration. She leans down on her elbow, and runs her fingers carefully over Alex’s face, tracing the bridge of her nose, the jut of her cheekbone, the edge of her jaw, and she says, ‘I feel as if I should tell you that we shouldn’t… that we shouldn’t do this. Part of me is broken and lost, Alex, and I will never get that back. You deserve someone who is whole’. Her brow furrows, tight and pained, and a muscle in her neck tenses as her jaw works. ‘And yet I don’t want to’. 

 

Alex feels her heart twist up to clog her throat, a vice curling underneath her jaw, and she reaches up to tuck Astra’s hair behind her ear, curling her fingers around the woman’s white streak, tinged gold in the lamp light, flickers of gold strands highlighted in the rich cascade of her hair, and cups her fingers against her cheek. She pulls her down, her hand wrapped around the back of her neck, and kisses her, kisses her for all she’s worth, because she can, because she wants to, because it’s  _ right _ , and Astra sinks down on the bed beside her, the strength of her body pressed against her, half on top of her, her leg hooked between her own. Alex presses her lips against the corner of her mouth, against that frown creasing her forehead, waits until Astra pulls back enough to look at her, and says, ‘I don’t want anyone else, Astra’. 

 

Astra kisses her again, and it's hard and desperate, messy and without finesse, but it still  _ does  _ things to her, it still feels right, and Alex grips at the strength of her shoulders, cups the side of her face, tries to show, with nothing more than this, that she means what she said. 

 

Astra pulls back, and drops her head to Alex’s shoulder. She shivers, and Selene huffs, stretches across the bed until her paws bump against her leg, and Astra nuzzles against her neck, and with the woman’s warmth and weight spread out beside her, Alex thinks there is something fitting about the fact that Astra’s daemon is a feline. An extremely large one. Alex reaches over, and turns off the light, plunging them into the dark, and she feels acutely aware of every point of contact between them, the place where Astra’s hip rests over hers, where her leg hooks between hers, the strength of her arm over her torso, the steady, warm puff of breath against her neck, and she doesn’t ever want this night to end. 

 

‘Alex?’ 

 

Alex shivers as Astra’s lips brush lightly over her neck, and she tries to keep her voice steady when she says, ‘yeah?’

 

Astra’s hand is warm against her waist, her fingers curled around her hip, her hold clingy in a way that is not restricting. ‘Even if your director does not believe my sincerity to switch sides, or… if he does not allow me into your fold, I will… I will not return to Fort Rozz. I will still fight for Kara’s side. For yours. And… I will fight by your side, if I am able. I won’t let any harm come to you’. 

 

Alex swallows. She’s so used to fighting for Kara, so used to protecting her for all these years without her knowledge, that it’s strange to hear Astra’s proclamation that she will do the same for her. It’s strange to be thought of as something with fighting for, and protecting. And if it was anyone else, Alex would tell them that she’s perfectly capable of protecting herself, that she doesn’t need sheltering, except she heard the admiration in Astra’s voice when she took down the hellgramite, and she knows that it’s not that Astra believes she’s weak. 

 

She runs her hand up Astra’s arm, squeezes her shoulder, and presses her lips to her forehead. She runs her fingers through the woman’s impossibly soft hair, and murmurs, ‘I’ll fight for you too, Astra’. 

 

Astra says nothing, to that, but she shudders, a tremor that runs from her shoulders down her spine, her leg tightening briefly over Alex’s thigh, and Alex slides her hand from Astra’s shoulder to press against her back, and as Astra presses closer against her, Alex remembers that the last person who said they’d fight for Astra was Alura, and that through no fault of her own, Alura failed. She died. And Astra lost her. 

 

Alex grips Astra tightly in the dark, and silently promises herself that history won’t repeat itself. 

 

~      ~      ~      ~      ~

 

Astra wakes to Selene looming over her in the dark, her eyes glowing points of intense, burning anger, and her daemon’s voice is low enough to edge on a growl when she says, ‘when I said that we’d find a way to convince their director of our desire to join their side, I did not mean that you should go on a suicide mission’. 

 

Astra blinks. She’s lying flat on her back, and Alex is tucked into her side, her head pillowed on her shoulder, her limbs wrapped around her in a possessive way, and she seems fast asleep. Lyra is a solid weight on her legs, her warmth seeping into the covers, and she’s wide awake, her tail flicking back and forth in the grey light, and she looks like one of those monuments these ancient humans built, like a sphinx, proud and regal and quietly observant, and Selene’s growl rumbles in her ear. 

 

She lifts her hand, and presses it against Selene’s shoulder. ‘I had no intention of doing it, at first. It was not planned’.

 

‘It was still utterly foolish’, there is that edge to Selene’s voice that Astra knows all too well, and she knows that Selene isn't angry with her. 

 

‘You could have died’. Lyra’s soft voice echoes in the silence, and she lays her head down over her folded paws, nudges at her hip over the covers, and Astra almost chokes. She doesn't know what to do with Alex’s affection, with her concern, much less her daemon’s. Lyra’s eyes are soft and gentle, and it's the first time Astra has heard her speak at all, and the first thing she's said, to her, is that.  

 

‘I didn't’, she says, and she curls her arm tighter around Alex’s shoulders. She feels exposed, under Selene’s burning gaze and Lyra’s watchful eye, and there is nowhere to run. She wouldn't want to run if there was, anyway. ‘And I did something good’.

 

Selene lips curl back to reveal her teeth, and she hisses, ‘if I’d known you were going back there, I wouldn't have come here. I would've gone with you’. She sighs, and bows her head, nosing her cheek. ‘We’re supposed to be a team, Astra’. 

 

Astra swallows, and slides her hand up to grip the scruff of Selene’s neck, gripping her fur tightly. ‘If you hadn't come here, you wouldn't have spoken to Alex. And she wouldn't… she wouldn't have understood me, like she does. Like she wants to’.

 

Selene snorts. ‘Well one of us had to do something. And you were too afraid to’.

 

Astra turns her face against her daemon’s neck. ‘And you were too stubborn to let it wait’. She sighs, and grips Selene tighter, burrows her face into her fur, and mumbles, ‘thank you’. 

 

Selene sighs heavily, and the tension eases from her shoulders. She licks Astra’s cheek, bats her paw at her shoulder, and murmurs, ‘just… no more suicide missions’.

 

Astra nods her assent, because she's going to see her niece tomorrow, and Alex is warm and soft against her, Alex wants her, and she doesn't want to die. Selene rises, nudges a little too forcefully at her cheek, and turns to join Lyra at the end of the bed. She settles beside her, and rests her head over Lyra’s neck, and Lyra starts to purr again.

 

The rumble through her legs is comforting, and Astra shuts her eyes, lets herself be lulled towards sleep by the vibration, and the steady sound of Alex breathing beside her.

 

Just before sleep claims her, Selene’s voice reaches her, low and slow with exhaustion. ‘Foolish woman’.

 

‘Stubborn daemon’.

 

Lyra huffs, an irritated, affectionate sound. ‘Will you two just go to sleep?’ 

 

Selene grumbles, but falls silent, her low, familiar purr echoing in the quiet, and Astra smiles, turns her face against Alex’s hair, breathing in the smell of her, and for the first time in decades, it's easy. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i got stuck on my main fic, and while i was floundering, my wonderful friend @alittlelesspain made an absolutely beautiful piece of art for this fic and it sparked my motivation again, so i figured i'd use the chance to get this together! 
> 
> its longer than the last one, which hopefully makes up for how long its taken to update!
> 
> i know there is a lot of talking and not a lot of action, but i figured that with the backgrounds already changed a bit, i have an opportunity to actually reduce the suffering characters (specifically astra fk u general lane) went through, so I'm gonna! 
> 
> anyway, i hope this was worth the wait and you enjoyed it! :)

**Author's Note:**

> welp, this was another idea that got away from me. its basically gonna pan most of season 1 but obviously its canon divergent and all that stuff 
> 
> so this is a little gift for my wonderfully talented friend Missy because she deserves all the love 
> 
> anyway, i hope you enjoy!!!


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